After consulting Nostradamus and following the instructions of the television show “Timeless”, then abetted by a fever dream brought on by prophylactic doses of hydroxychloroquine, I found this press memo from January of 2021 under my pillow when I awoke.
Washington, DC, Jan, 31. Today marks the 10th day of POTUS the 46th’s new administration. As Americans sweep up the leftover confetti from their kitchens and home offices following inauguration celebrations for the [… old white guy-yeah some things don’t change…] the president has recently issued his 10th Executive Order and multiple legislative proposals to begin to heal and revive our once great nation.
Day 1-Healthcare for All
On January 21st at 5 PM just prior to the First Inaugural Ball, POTUS declared that all US residents should be able to receive testing for the now-not-so-novel coronavirus in addition to testing and treatment for heart conditions, cancer, diabetes, hypertension and an inability to read a teleprompter or say three times very quickly, “the United States of _(shmersh)_.” https://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/trump-slurs-words-public-speech-comedians-aim/story?id=51636709
Executive Order to Finally Fi Flint’s Water and imprison on Michigan officials involved.
One aspect of the legislation designates that all female children showing an interest in science, including pet sitting and growing stuff in egg cartons, will be offered accelerated classes in every type of medicine including dentistry, optometry, and family therapy. Students living in the areas formerly not served by neighborhood banks will also receive free training in healthcare fields. [One requirement recently added to the bill by the women of AARP will include the diktat that no doctor shall be able to address clients by first names unless s/he also goes by a first name instead of a title.]
Day 2-Mortgage & Rent Forgiveness
Secretary of the Treasurer and former Congressmember Katie Porter [she lost her reelection bid to her Orange County seat but when it was found that fraud was involved Governor Newsom, shortly after being wooed back to statehood from his move toward secession, appointed her successor, a Latinx school teacher and former DACA recipient, working in concert with Senate Majority Leader Elizabeth Warren ordered all banks which had been part of the 2009 bailout to cancel mortgage payments [first homes only] for the next five years, suggesting they cut CEO and CFO’s pay by 90% and requiring that they pass on mortgage relief in the form of free rents to their tenants during this period.
In addition, any banks which open offices in underserved areas will receive free boxed lunches for all their employees served by local businesses which can receive grants to keep their businesses operating.
Day 3-Affordable Housing Blitz
New Housing and Urban Development Secretary Alexandria Ocasio Cortez proposed a 300% increase in the construction of multifamily housing which will require large scale training and hiring programs in each region of the country, including union membership for those jobs. [Governor Cuomo appointed AOC’s chief-of-staff to the seat she was recently reelected to, after consultation with her office.]
Day 4-New Homeland Security Secretary & Directives
New Homeland Security Secretary Julian Castro immediately released all detainees being held for immigration violations while POTUS declared all currently registered DACA recipients to be citizens, inviting them to document and register their parents for citizenship programs to be completed in not more than 180 days.
Any child who has been removed from their parents will be returned once the parents are repatriated due to asylum applications and recent asylum applications will be resolved while the applicants reside in country.
Day 5-Public Transit Proposals
Vice President Ayanna Pressley announced that the POTUS is working on legislation with Speaker Pelosi and Leader Warren to nationalize public transit, providing travel pods for trips lasting more than one and a half minutes pwered by alternative energies (solar, ocean wave and methane gas).
Residents of multifamily buildings will get free passes while those in single family homes will subsidize them. On street parking (except for those who are infirm, parents of small children or grocery store clerks) will pay upwards of $300 a month to park on the street accoring to legislation proposed in the bill by California Senator Scott Wiener who was appointed after Kamala Harris [busy at work on reversing incarceration rates with the exception of Republican crimes against humanity] became the Attorney General [update: this was prior to the launch of a recall campaign against Senator Wiener].
Day 6-Student Loan Forgiveness
VP Pressley, Treasury Secretary Porter, and Leader Warren have proposed legislation to waive all lates fees, fines and interest above 0% declaring that all loans in which collection has exceeded the original amount, that amount is to be cleared and any amount above 5% be returned to the borrower.
In addition, all students who graduated from HBCUs [historically Black colleges and universities] will have their loans fully forgiven and any amount above the original loan will be reimbursed. Students working in public interest fields or who make below 80% of AMI will have their loans for graduate courses reduced by 75% initially and 10% per year as they continue to pay down the remaining amount.
Other proposals are to assign loan payments to initiate investment in small business, family homes (not 2nd homes), education and childcare for the borrowers children, adopted, fostered or born.
Day 7-National Broadband
POTUS declared that all corporations whose profits derive mainly from technology combined with the new Wealth Tax will design a national broadband system that all Americans can access free of charge. All residents regardless of status, above the age of 12, and who are at 60% of AMI or lower will be assigned at least one wireless device that will give them access to social media, distance learning, and teleconferencing modes [selfies excluded].
Day 8-Appointments to New Department of American Culture & Arts
POTUS announced appointments to a new joint cabinet post as the Committee of the Department of American Art and Culture. They are Secretary Roxanne Gay, Secretary Kendrick Lamar, and Secretaries Ava Duvernay and Julia Alvarez. Further appointments as Under Secretaries are expected to be nominated include Ta Nehisi Coates, Barry Jenkins, Shonda Rhymes, Kate McKinnon, Ali Wong, and Hasan Minaj to name a few. Michelle Wolf has been named and tenured as the National Media Critic for the next two years of the administration [no media critic can last any longer than 2 years without, well, you know…]
Day 9- New Secretary of Education
Appointed Secretary of Education Jessica Tang. Ms. Tang is currently serving as President of the Boston Teachers Union, representing 10,000 active and retired educators. She is a co-founder of the Teacher Activist Group-Boston and serves as a board member for several civic and labor groups including Citizens for Public Schools and the Asian Pacific American Labor Alliance.
As a teacher-activist, she has been involved in many different community organizations that are working to advance racial, social and economic justice. Jessica serves as a Vice President of both the Massachusetts AFL-CIO and American Federation of Teachers-Massachusetts, and is a former co-chair of the Massachusetts Asian-American Educators Association.
In addtion to her duties as Secretary of Education, as a member of the New England Federal Reserve Advisory Board she will also assist in the development of public banks for all 50 states.
Day 10-Anti-Corruption Measures
Anti-corruption measures have been put into place by Executive Order and upcoming legislation such that no elected nor official of the administration can oversee any industry of which they have been a part nor will they be able to transition back to industry in less than 8 years after employment or election.
No Congressional representative or elected or appointed official may own more than 2 homes and will have to disinvest in any real estate beyond that and many other investments including any stock exchanges valued at more than $1000 while holding such positions.
Final Note on Former GOP Officials
It was also noted that the former occupant of the Oval office now resides in the city-state of Doral where no ingress or egress is allowed except by staff and son Baron. The new Department of Science and Climate Change helmed by former California Assemblymember Rob Bonta has announced malaria and Zika treatment testing programs at Doral, given that mosquito mutations have been found at the former POTUS’s residence. All other former GOP officials have been offered free room and board and lifetime residency on the Grand Princess Liner or as crew to the USS Theodore Roosevelt in lieu of prosecution.
[If you’ve enjoyed my time traveling declarations, what would you add to the first 10 days and beyond?}